My Manic & I

When you find an old photograph that is practically glowing because of how happy you look in it and how happy you remember feeling when it was taken.

Maybe I should just move overseas for a few years. Everything in the states is far too calculated.

It’s making me crazy.

It’s making everyone crazy.

Everyone is crazy.

I spent five hours in the art studio today making things and experimenting with Ramy, followed by a mani/pedi. Nap time until dinner and then its bike rides in Beirut. Today is a really good one!

I began sketching and writing today for the first time in almost one year, which is so nice and so important to me, to be able to have these thoughts and pictures I can keep to myself, to be able to be myself, whoever that is.

tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow

tomorrow

tomorrow

I’ll love you today

but I’ll have to leave you tomorrow

I’ll be off to foreign lands trying to find myself again.

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traveling always puts things into perspective for me.

the world is too large and too beautiful to sweat the small stuff.

My brain is mush, but lemme think:

• I’m always running late.
• I need to stop hanging out in 5 cities in a 7 hour span. Dearborn, Pontiac, Troy, Royal Oak, Lincoln Park, back to Dearborn. 
• I was forty minutes late for class today.
• Today was puppy day for me, but I was so tired I forgot what day it was. Dallas is probably missing me. I miss him.
• I purchased my Beirut tickets today! What a lovely time that will be. I’ve been waiting for this. SAD SAD SAD part is getting a parking ticket right as I got to my car. Asshole parking patrol officer turned all the way around and pretended not to see me. $10 ticket! “HEY, CAN I JUST GIVE YOU THE MONEY? I’M KIND OF IN A HURRY.” W.e. I hope he gets a paper-cut and finds it when he uses hand sanitizer. KARMA WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT IT, MOTHERFUCKER. 
• I’m convinced that Daniel Lippit’s studio is heaven on earth. Dalmation puppy, PRADA THIS, PRADA THAT. Christiane LaRou this, Stella McCartney that. I sliced my thumb while taping the bottom of these Steve Madden platform pumps and blood gushed everywhere. Biggest concern all day was to make sure I didn’t mix up the Saks items with the Neiman items with the Incognito goodies & I HAD TO ACTIVELY REMIND MYSELF TO NOT GET MY BLOODY THUMB ON ITEMS THAT COST MORE THAN MY ENTIRE LIFE. Tough, but I managed. 
• Jimmy John’s for lunch. I had to literally pinch myself. PERFECTION.
• Dalmation puppy visits. Not much time for puppy lurkin’, but still. BUT STILL.
• Not gonna lie, I felt pretty fabulous when the makeup artist today walked up to me in a room full of pretty people and said to me, “Who are you? You’re darling.”  She later told me I had the most perfect eyebrows and made sure to get my number before I left. We talked about lip balm and how offensive chapped lips are. Quality conversations, you know.
• The fact that I learned what a “one hump chump” is & that people are proud of it is the weirdest and greatest thing of today.
• Ryan makes my heart happyhappyhappy.
• I have so much homework.
• I daydream about being best friends with Kanye.
• I made so many new friends today.
• My sister told me all her friends talk about me in her third hour class. “They say, ‘You’re sister has the best style. You’re so lucky to have an older sister like her.’” DAMN STRAIGHT.But I feel I should just throw it out there “dressing well” and “dressing than most people at a university who sport yoga pants and Michigan hoodies” are very different things. I believe the latter is true.
• I have to clean Tamago’s fish tank before it’s TOO LATE TO APOLOGIZE. If anything happened to him, I’d probably shave my eyebrows and cut all my hair off and wear black. (I’ll try not to mix too many shades of black & cool part will be that with all my hair cut off I will less likely get hair on my black clothing. I HATE HAIR ON BLACK CLOTHING. Am I the only one who thinks about things? I hope not. I’m tired of feeling alone.)
• I compared relationships to bananas earlier and it made perfect sense. Everything I say is brilliant. WRITE IT DOWN, but please don’t claim it as your own. I SEE YOU. I should be flattered, but I’m moreso confused as to why you would want to be anything like me. GURL, CHECK YOURSELF.
• Decided to give children fruit for Halloween. Mini bananas. FUN SIZE. Idk. Or I’m going to make cootie catchers & corrupt all the children of the world. We’ll see.
• My mum has planned a shopping trip for us the first week of November, in Chicago! Excited to visit my Chicago friends. How nice!
• My dad says he will buy me the chocolate metal Michael Kors watch I’ve wanted. Which means I can save that money and spend it on something else. MUAHAHAHA. I’m so smart. When did I become this smart?
• I want to hug everyone and never let go. Play with my hair until I fall asleep and I’ll bake you things. Read me a bed time story my PR & MKT chapters. 
• Also, I was told that I’m a functioning only child, not really the MIDDLE CHILD LIKE I ALWAYS THOUGHT - even though my older brother is 7 years older than I am and my younger brother is 7 years younger than I am. Weird, but cool.